In The End...

10/31/2007

No matter how dark it was, there was always hope. Always the Light.

Or so he had thought. So he had believed so desperately.

No matter how dark, how painful, how horrifying his dreams were, he always clung to the belief that in the end, it did matter.

But that’s all he fucking had. His stupid freaking dreams. That’s all he had ever clung on to. Reality had been too painful, and with his Imagination, he could numb himself.

                Was that what it meant to be a man? To be like a cold rock? To have emotions shimmer so low beneath the surface, that no one could ever see? That even if they whispered it, no one would know?

He had tried to love. Tried to give everything he was. But that sacrifice was too much. It killed off portions of his identity. He was too young, too naïve, too selfish, too weak.

Every moment of life changes you as an individual. Some in small ways, some in progressive ways. Others in degrading, corrupting, consuming ways.

But what was It for?

Life was about Choice.

Did It even truly matter? Were the dreams wrong?

What was the point, if the very core of human nature was Selfishness?

                He had become consumed by it.

Nearly every story he had ever thought up was a lesson, a metaphor, a tale about why humanity was corrupt; why the greatest good was compassion; selflessness.

That divinity was what we were meant to strive for. To give up the choice and be selfless.

But as he looked at the world, even the attempting virtuous ones, no one could reach the goal. No one could be victorious. No one could be holy.

He looked at himself, and wondered if every memory, every moment, was worth it. If in the end, it was overall selfishness. If that was all we lived for. Even in lives where people gave parts of themselves up, the selfishness survived and destroyed and created the ultimate collusion and conflict.

No wonder men disconnected. No. No wonder he had.

If Choice was the most Important aspect of Life…the most defining part of it anyways…was that the point of Life?

If Selflessness was the Strive; then interaction with People was the most important thing you could do in Life. Sounds kind of obvious….but isn’t that why we are here? (If you believe religion anyways.)

Cause…God was Lonely…

God could do Anything. But he had to make others to survive Loneliness.

                How horrifying is that?! Knowing that the only victor, the only thing that influenced god so greatly besides Love (which Love did not exist yet…),

…was Loneliness. ..

So Selflessness and Choice are the essence, the reason for Life. Because of that, Love exists.

And the greatest destinies presented before us?

Love Life, Love the Cause, Love Others.

But if Choice spawns Selfishness, and through Selfishness spawns Sin, and corruption, and Death, and Shadows, then how do we truly….survive? Survive? Is that the right word? 

We as people need Purpose. Without it, there is no Point.

So, couldn’t that be why we have a Purpose? We needed it, so we search our entire lives for One. So humanity invented a few to be passed down for generation and generation; to convince each other that there Is Purpose; that there is a Point. That it does matter.

                Born from Loneliness, Born from Corruption, Born from Death and Darkness; was Fear.

It is Fear that conquers over us, as Humans.

It hinders us. And there is no escaping it.

Is that the one thing God doesn’t feel? Is that why he gives us Hope? Is that why he is the symbol of Light?

Humans’ greatest Fear is being Alone.

God could feel that.

                Maybe that is the inevitable Destiny. The End.

We try to not believe it, try to believe in an After Life, try to believe in Forever, in Hope, in the Light. But the Truth is, the Darkness exists with or without Light. It is Nothing. It is the inescapable Void inside of Us all.

We are all alone. If we believe in Selflessness, we can try to ignore it. We can convince our selves that Everyone matters; that Together We can survive. We can live ‘happily Ever After”

That there is Hope. That there is Light at the end of the tunnel.

But what happens when the Light goes out? When Selfishness wins? The Darkness remains. The Fear remains.

Because we are Alone. There is no one that can save us. Maybe for a moment, but never forever.

No one will know what you Feel. No one will truly care…forever. Love can not Last Forever.  We are human. We corrode and corrupt and hurt and enclose.  This is what it means to be Human. And in the End, We are All Alone.

So fuck Dreams. It’s time to stop denying Reality anymore…