Lying in Paradise

08/07 to 02/08

After a ripple in time, hesitated
 
In which I feared, apprehended,

That I had lost my breath

and

lingered near death

I grasped realization of what I am

and

awoken from my dream

This is what I found

I was horrendously occupied

By my own sight

Words were sent to Waste

I fumbled with Disgrace

And by my mistake

With unsteady aim misplaced

I killed with every embrace

And was left standing all by my own

Lone

I Mourned

With no Haste

To undo what I distaste

I failed to save this grace

That I was given in this place

With no longer any Motivation

I was left idiosyncratic

Deviating from what i once was

Promises fell to pieces

Despite

My fight.

I need desperately

to change my ways


and

Refine my Recline

I've Fabricated all my truths to lies

Devised my own Decline to Demise

Misleading, Deceiving, Stealing

I've become the Darkness

And now my repercussions

Make me as Disloyal as the Waves

Undependable to the edge

Now is it time to fall?

or keep climbing up this Hell

The Benefits of Being Untrustworthy

i'm left without a Preference

Inability to Distinguish difference

From the Black and the White

And Everything In between

I'm pitiful as the scum

This is the path of those who...

Lie in Paradise

Lose It All

07/27-28/07

Impact.

Methods To Madness

Unintentional Abandoning

There Are Reasons For These Absurdities…

Metaphorical Signs Seeping Out

Of Manifested Destinies

Trembling Resolve

And Faith

Burst

Contained

To Flames Abroad

Comets Searing Across These Skies

Roaring of the Dull Wake of Nothing Time

To See Covenants Hindered

Faltering Shattering

Piece It Back Together As It Falls

Aimless Destinations Never Unfolding

From These Wanderings Of The Psyche

This Habitual Mediocrity Isn’t Satisfying

Anymore.

So Oops

It’s Back To Lingering

Ignoring Remorse

Kissing the Abstract

Drift Through Shadows And Grasp…

Adhering Cleavage Upon The Unstable

Futile Attempts Clinging

 I'm Absent From These Sessions

Grief Still Isn't Scarring This Face

These Neglects Infecting Regret

---

So To Hold On

I Invest Everything

Raising The Stakes

Throwing All In

But Destiny Bluffed

Bonds And Debts Are Rising Waves

Unknown Selves Unleash Unknown Cruelties

Tides Have Changed

Rebellion Went Rogue

And Now There Is War

Ripping Away The Clouds of Nine

And Detonations Can Only Be Delayed

As Catastrophic Reign Approaches…

Stay Home While The Bombs Drop

Wanting To Just Sleep

Held Hands Tight Together

Whispering Nothings Wrong

As Everything’s Wrong.

Craters Rip The Surface

And Core

Apart

These Inflictions Upon

Were Not Meant To Crumble…

They Were Thought Up As Good Intentions…

And It All Went To Hell.

Thus The Terror That Thwarted Tranquility

Disposed Of My Integrity

Killing Us…

L is for Lamenting

Apologies And Promises Are Just Words

Lost Alone Amongst This Evolving Derelict

Horrified Of The Fears’ Victory

That Took The Soul

Sacrifices Disregarded Cause Of Selfishness

Not Able To Be Your Savior,

Not Willing To Be The Hated,

I Fold.

You-Turns

07-27-07

You Turns

There Isn’t Enough Space…

And The Lights Are Burned Out

 

Cross Roads Where

When Drift We Wonder

 

Never Whatever?

 

How Does: “So It Goes…”?

 

No One Has The Answers

When The Questions Can’t Even Be Asked

Tumbling Fallings

We

Me

Trying to Switch Right Side Up…

Never Revealing The Mysteries

Of The Travesty Of Tragedies

Forgotten

The Fade Scene

06-29-07

Current mood:nauseated

------

Alex stared down at where his arm should have been.

He horrifyingly saw a stump, his arm hewed off above the elbow, laying a foot away from his body sprawled out on the ground.

He was bleeding profusely.

There was blood everywhere.

The red stained his hands, splattered across his shirt and the discolored cement.

He stumbled, falling to the ground; him trying to balance his fall, trying to stop short from hitting the floor.

He had no left arm to do so.

He tumbled, crashing onto the ground, the cold cement, numbing his body.

He staggered, trying to get up, but every inch of him tingled and stung.

He looked at all the blood pouring out from the remains of his arm, dripping upon the ground.

Frantically he tried with his right hand to hold over the wound; desperately, uselessly trying to stop the blood.

It wasn't stopping.

He felt clumps and ripples of it skimming across his flesh and skin, streaming away.

He pulled his hand away.

And starred at it.

He had starred at it a thousand times.

But never like this.

He became dizzy, staring at his own blood.

Looking at the disfigured remnant of his shriveled arm, he felt a heavy weight in his stomach; a churning repulse, gagging him.

Through his chest.

Up his confined throat.

The air he breathed choked at him.

It wasn't enough.

No.

His head buzzed, spinning; he felt faint.

Pain erupted and stabbed within.

It was his head.

The blood.

To his head.

It wasn't enough.

He was losing blood.

He watched it all rushing out.

It was all over him.

His hands were drenched.

His body and shirt covered in dark red hand prints.

His hand prints.

His.

His blood.

Everywhere.

He felt everything.

His whole body spazzed and shivered, his muscles and veins, his skin convulsing.

He couldn't keep away the cold.

He shivered.

His ears were ringing, his vision blurred.

He couldn't focus; random images flashed and dissolved before his eyes.

He felt weak.

He felt it all slip away.

The pain was completely numbing now.

It was all going away.

Everything.

He couldn't feel anything.

Nothing, except the cold cement.

He laid down.

He felt puddles.

They felt warm.

He curled up in them.

He closed his eyes.

Vision faded away.

Memorizes, thoughts, kept flashing.

There wasn't any more pain.

He couldn't stop wondering…

Just maybe…just maybe…if he hadn't…

He stopped thinking.