UNCENSORED ME

05-19-11

So, here we are. …And you might be wondering, why is Lengyel writing a blog? Let me pose a more appropriate question: Why am I just now starting one?

Ever since middle school, I have been a story-teller, or rather a story-inventor. You see, the telling has not always occurred. In actuality, it has been near lacking. As a Thinker, my thoughts have often rattled around within the confines of my head, concepts never escaping to reality. It’s a wonder that my ponderings have ever become spoken words at all.

My hesitance to speak has been on account of my greatest fears. For the longest of times I thought these were only that I feared no one would care to hear what I had to say…but there is so much more to it than that. I fear that my words just don’t have weight; that they simply do not matter. These fears, however, are consequence of something much deeper: my own self worth [or lack there of].

As a relational person, I care what others think and expect of me. Probably too much…to a fault. In high-school, I secretly dubbed myself the Glass Man, an individual who reflected others and the world around…yet not himself. He was a man with many masks, rotating through them because he was too afraid to reveal his own face. I would be what I thought people wanted me to be, and hid the me I wanted to be away in the shadows of my shell, And, to be honest, I still do this to an extent. But when you wear every face but your own, you lose your identity.

I have spent my whole life listening to others, suppressing my dreams, putting myself down by putting others first, and denying my own value…so now, I’m trying things out differently. I figure, others might as well give me a bit of listening for a change. I am putting the old me to death, and becoming alive and new. Though I was raised in the Christian faith, I never really felt like I belonged. I used to think fully dedicating to Christ would mean losing your identity. With my rebirth through baptism on November 15th, 2009, I'm finding my identity. Or rather, I'm no longer hiding it.

    Now, If you’re expecting a religious blog, turn back now. And if you’re expecting clean-cut, respectable reading, you should also turn back. This is LENGYEL UNCENSORED.

What can you expect from this blog, though?

Illusions shattered. Emotions revealed. Ponders and Wonderings unleashed.

Thought you know me? Look again.

As this blog has been a long time coming, the delay has created a stock pile of writings and works throughout my life. Above all else, realize this: I am not the person I was.